The rage inside
I didn’t know was there
I thought I was weak
And that I didn’t care
I have let him stay
And tell me I’m not enough
Not in words as such
I wonder if this feels like
What it feels like
To have someone who
Has always made you back down
But no longer can
Because you now know your worth
I wonder if this feels like
What it feels like
To say enough is enough
When they’ve all gone
And the dusk settled into dawn
And the rage and the grief
The pain and the strife
The beauty at a sacrifice
I wonder when it’s gone
If finally then
Will the love be fully drawn
I have recently gone mad and separated from my inner guide. It was not a waste though. I learned some very valuable lessons. Among them, some of the most powerful lessons in A Course in Miracles that I had not yet been able to fully appreciate or experience at my core.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. We all need to feel love and connection. It’s part of the human condition. But the kind of love that we are searching for cannot be found outside of us in any lasting way. There, I said it! It absolutely cannot come from outside yourself. It has to be found within.
The outcome, the decision to stay or go or have and to hold - it doesn’t matter! All that matters is that we move towards awakening from this Dream.
I spend a lot of time waiting to see what will happen next in life. Particularly in love at the moment. I am an outcome junkie! I have no patience…yet! I am determined, however, to overcome my need to get that fix and be fixated on what I believe to be the “good” outcome. My way. What I think is best! The fact is that I have no idea what is best for me.
You see, everything that happens seemingly to us is presented as an opportunity to awaken to love or continue to sleep and fall victim to our many illusions.
Among these illusions lies the belief that anything really belongs to us. We spend time worrying about the state of our homes, our cars, our appearance, our approval from others or our approval of others. We obsess about who loves us, who hates us, who victimized us and who we have harmed.
What we rarely spend time doing is cultivating the ability to let go. To let go of perfect, of our false sense of security, our opinions, our judgements, our false identities and identifying with this ever changing and non-permanent body. We fail to let go of our past and our future. We consistently disregard and miss the present moment.
You see, it’s all a Dream. A play. The world is a stage and we are all playing our parts. We are all characters and spectators of this very addictive, binge-worthy drama.
It doesn’t really matter what happens today. It doesn’t matter what I think of you or what you think of me. It doesn’t matter at all. All that matters is that we use each moment to learn, grow, wake up and move closer to eternal love.
Non-attachment is a concept that I first became aware of when studying Buddhism. It’s one that I find extremely difficult to cultivate. Anytime I find myself with what I perceive to be a problem, and I dig deep into my intuition, I’m guided to let go. How freeing would it be to just be in the present moment and do what feels most helpful, one loving action at a time?
Sure, go to work. Take care of your kids. Make sure to feed them and yourself. Move your body and buy the stuff you need for the body to survive another day.
But maybe for a moment, sit in the present and basque in all the love of the universe that is available to you. Let it overwhelm you. Because no matter what the day or what we call our lives holds for us, freedom from suffering can be found in letting go, and letting LOVE.